A while back, a friend and I were talking about some of the behavioral oddities of my umbrella cockatoo, Linus. I call them Linusisms. I was explaining to her that he has this thing about me sitting on the floor. He doesn’t like it. If he is out of his cage when I’m on the floor, he will always make his way over to me, usually thinking evil thoughts. She asked me how I handled this, and I told her...