I think that one of the hardest jobs here at Birdtricks is consoling owners whose birds have died. I don’t envy the ladies in customer service – sometimes it is heart wrenching.
Often people contact us because they need a shoulder to cry on – we all know how hard it is to find anyone who understands the way we love our birds. Sometimes it helps to communicate with people who you know won’t make little of your grief.
Perhaps the hardest is the contact with people whose own errors in judgment have resulted in the loss of their bird, or have in some way caused it suffering. There is guilt – and you can feel its weight on them.
The cruelest emotion of all is regret. Knowing that you are responsible for something that has happened, seeing in your mind exactly where you went wrong and being unable to call that action back. It doesn’t matter how many people remind you that it was an accident and tell not to be hard on yourself because you didn’t know what the outcome would be, in your heart you know it was preventable and there is no forgiving yourself.
I have been there and have wrestled (and lost) with the words ”if only”. This post is about the unproductiveness of guilt.
We all make mistakes. We all forget to do things. We all use bad judgment at times. All of us.
I got word last week that a friend and a fellow bird owner lost her beloved goffins cockatoo because she neglected to padlock the cage before she left for work. She came home to an empty cage and eventually located her bird, dead from poisoning, beneath the kitchen sink.
She said that she had been preoccupied with a problem at work and her mind was not on her bird’s safety as she left the house. She vows to never own a bird again. She no longer considers herself a fit owner. I disagree and told her so.
If all she takes away from her experience with her bird is guilt, she is under-valuing its life. I know for a fact that her life with her bird had been a journey of learning and happiness and I know that her bird had a great life with her.
The manner in which her bird died is a tragedy. But I feel she should be grieving her bird’s loss, not her part in it. There is no gain in that thinking, only further loss.
I’m not sure whether forgiving yourself gives you the freedom to learn from your mistakes or whether personal growth allows for forgiveness. All I know for certain is that without both only negative things remain.
Even though this post has caused me to revisit some painful events with my birds, I choose to be thankful for the learning experiences that they have presented me with. I am eternally grateful for the small creatures that have pushed me to better myself which in turn helps me to be better to them. I have forgiven myself for my mistakes.
If you have lost a bird, or one became injured in your care, please share how you moved past it and how you grew to be a better bird owner because of it.
Patty Jourgensen specializes in avian health, behavior and nutrition and has been working with and caring for rescue birds since 1987.
82 comments
Today my two beautiful baby budgies passed. Two weeks before now I’d gotten a puppy, and my family has never really liked my birds. I was pressured to put them into a smaller cage, which I did. My grandpa has breeded birds for his whole life so we decided when I was ready he’d take in three of my five budgies temporarily. The past three days have been very busy and cold. I live in a very cold area. I noticed all of them have been cold and did my best to keep them warm. This morning I went to change their food and discovered the youngest, Peep, wasn’t moving. Then, I found my other baby, Tee, “asleep”. My three other birds who are about 1-3 years old were all cold but fine. I feel horrible. They were too cold, and now I realize I should’ve given them even more food. Further, I am disgusted with myself for leaving them in the tinier cage during their last days. I hadn’t been able to spend one on one time with them recently either because of how busy every things been. I just wish I could’ve held them one more time and play with them before they passed. I hope they passed knowing they were loved and, even if not properly in their last moments, cared for. Those two were my favorite- they were so beautiful and so kind. I’ll never have a bird like them again, I miss them very dearly. I feel very slightly better thinking about how they went together as they were very close. I don’t know how to move on from them, they were the absolute best.
I left a comment around 3 months ago or so as “B” My cute little Quaker parrot Valentina passed because I didn’t pick her up off the floor like I usually would’ve. I still regret it even 3 months later. I’m still grieving. My parents adopted 2 Sun Conures in the past 3 months. Not a day goes by where I don’t cry at night over my Quaker. I’m slowly starting to forget how she felt in my hands. Her laugh. Not a single day goes by where I don’t feel guilty. I miss her so much. Now that have sun conures, they’re much louder than her, more out going. I’m never letting them on the floor ever. Because of my past experience with my Quaker. In some ways it made me grow as a person. I make sure my conures are in a safe environment. I bought a new cage where they can’t get down so easily. Im trying my absolute hardest to make sure they’re healthy. Although I miss my Quaker so badly, I love my conures and I’m trying my absolute hardest to stay strong as I still cry about my Quaker everyday. You too can grow as a person, though it’ll never be the same ITS OKAY you got this be strong.
I lost my almost 1 year cockatiel last evening. I have never felt this kind of grief in my life before and I feel I will never be able to recover from this. My sweet and joyful Butter was playing with my last evening and moments later, I lost him in the most tragic way. Moments before his passed away, he was playing with me. I was lying down in the bed after coming back from work and he kept flying to me and playing around. It was time for me to get ready for the gym, so I kept his outside my room just as usual, thinking he will just walk around the dinning area or go towards the living room. Meanwhile, something in me felt like not going to the gym and I was trying to get into my comfort wear when I heard my husband screaming, Butter! I thought it was as usual of him because Butter keeps sitting on the sofa and it was just him trying to discourage him. But screams intensified, I ran out and saw him sitting next to butter’s unresponsive body on the sofa, only to realise he has got struck by the fan. I never wanted butter to be flightless but had I clipped his wings, he would have still been alone. I will never be able to forgive myself. Our ignorance costed the life of an innocent bird. He was a beautiful singer. I want to meet him and apologise to him for all the times I got anger at him. I want him back and I don’t know what to do.
My lovely lovely American Yellow Parrotlet Ella.. was attacked by her sister and she died at the vet’s this morning right before she was supposed to to have surgery to repair her wounds. I have learned a lesson tragically… I will never keep 2 parrotlets in the some cage ever again no matter how closely bonded they are
Just want to start by saying thank you all for sharing all these stories and find some comfort in knowing we are not alone. I lost my beautiful rainbow 🌈 budgie banito yesterday he was 4 months old. I had just given my daughter dinner and went upstairs to do some bits when after only 15 mins she came running up shouting he was dead. She had tried to hold him and stroke him and in doing so held him to tight and he died. She is so upset and feels so bad. And I feel so guilty I wasn’t there to supervise and save him I’m absolutely heartbroken i can’t cope with this feeling my chest is tight and I feel sick with guilt now my other budgie is all alone and dosent know where his brother is. Don’t no what to do. 😔
It’s comforting to read other owners stories. My sister got my mum a budgie. She has had other budgies in her life and I had a few as a kid. I was living with them and bonded with Mary. When Mary turned 1 years old we got her a friend budgie Maisy. I moved out of my mums and would come to visit them. On my recent visit something was wrong with Maisy. We’ve had her 1.5 years at this point and Mary flew around my head to show me there was something wrong. Maisy was scratching at her vent and trying to pass her poo but wasn’t able to. This made her sick. We tried to get an appointment at the vet but they didn’t have any, they said to bath her in warm water and call back on Monday. We was waiting until Monday. On Sunday evening I went out to an event and came back home walking through the door to see Maisy in my mums hands. I was suprised as she doesnt let us hold her. She was up right and alive. We wasn’t able to bath her because she wouldn’t let us hold her and she didn’t go in the water herself. I didn’t know what was happening when my mum was holding her. She said she fell. The sofa had been moved and she must have fallen from her perch. We should have kept her in the cage. She was getting more sick and making a squeeking sound and closing her eyes. As far as I saw she was still holding herself up on her perch so I thought she would survive and be able to see a vet. I knew there was something going on with her but I didn’t know she was that ill. I don’t know if the fall killed her or it was from fear of my mum holing her but suddenly she rolled onto her back and her eyes rolled to the back of her head. I looked at her chest to see if I could start cpr but her little beak was closed. I grabbed a teatowel and got my mum to put her inside I covered her and lay her down on the table. I was fearful of Mary seeing her and being distraught. My mum was asking if she is dead at the time i was sure she was. Now I’m wondering if she was playing dead. I left her in the tea towel for an hour and then folded her up into a box. I’m replaying it wondering if I could have saved her and if I did something wrong. I didn’t want her to suffer and am still wondering what killed her and if she was dead at all and if I should have done something differently. I’m waiting for pictures of her to arrive that we can keep on the wall and now I will keep her in my heart and take the best care of Mary that I can. I really hope she didn’t suffer. I put nice music on and kept the house warm for her to recover but I’m not sure what happened while I was away and I didn’t feel like I could help her at that point. Thank you for offering a space to share.
My beautiful pineapple conure died today, it was my fault, I was doing too many things at once, should have put him in his cage, but didn’t, he was on my head, got spooked, when I bent down to get something from a corner under my sink, he bit me, I threw him off, I knew the minute he fell something was wrong, he died in my hand. I feel so guilty, I am responsible for his death, if I could swap with him I would. I am so sorry Paddy..
My cute Quaker would always climb down her cage. She would bite my feet and climb back up laughing. I hated when she went on the floor because I didn’t wanna lose sight of her. She passed 2 days ago. I was eat in my lunch and she climbed down. Usually I would get her and help her fly back to her cage. I chose to eat this one time. My dad got up to get napkins and stepped on her. I carried her kept her warm. She had a leg injury. She lasted 10-17 minutes before passing that day. I’m never forgiving myself. I should’ve picked her up. I should’ve put her back in her cage. I should’ve I should’ve I should’ve. I regret it all. I couldn’t even look at her body. We buried her. And I’m still in denial trying to believe that she’s alive. By reflex I keep going to her cage thinking she’s there barking. She was a cute Quaker that knew how to bark. I’m never getting over that guilt.
I’m not sure I’ll ever get over losing my sweet cockatiel, Pearl. I was at home working when I got a call from my son asking me to pick him up. I remember thinking that I needed to put Pearl in her cage (she was only caged when we left and at night to sleep- otherwise she was always out) but I don’t actually remember doing it. When we got home, it was stormy and the house was dark. My son ran to her cage to let her out and exclaimed WHERE IS SHE?! Then we noticed feathers everywhere and then we saw her body- my dog was standing over her. My son ran to his room and I screamed and cried, wailing “no, no, no” over and over. I picked up her body and held her and screamed and wailed. She was my soul bird who helped me through the grief of losing my mother. She was the sweetest thing on earth, literally perfect. We had bonded immediately with her wanting to be on me always from the moment we met. We later realized the food door was left slightly ajar, so either I was so careless as to have not put her up, or she escaped because I didn’t notice the food door wasn’t secure. Either way, it was my fault. The images are nonstop and the guilt and sadness are debilitating. But, mostly, I just want my sweet girl back. She was so happy and such a joy to my whole family. We homeschool and work from home, so we were always together. She chilled on the couch with us when watching tv and hung out at the kitchen table during lessons. I never saw thia coming with my dogs, but also I never would have intentionally left them out together. I don’t understand how I could have been so careless. This is a literal nightmare.
I went for a quick walk yesterday and came back to find my conure drowned in the toilet. I was beside myself and never thought in a million years that toilets were dangerous for birds; in all the YouTube videos I had watched about what to be careful of, I don’t remember this ever coming up. But in hindsight, it seems so obvious. Why didn’t I just put the toilet seat down? Why did I let him in the bathroom? Why didn’t I realize this would happen? I feel so guilty that these things didn’t occur to me. I loved that bird so much and all day and all night I keep thinking that I just want him back. Finding him dead was so shocking, and I have never felt grief like this over an animal. I have not gotten over my guilt yet, but I hope that it will fade over time.
My budgies of 4 years died today. I just came back from a 1 week trip and we usually left her and two other budgies alone and they always were fine when we were back. But this time I don’t know why but I had a wierd feeling even before leaving for the trip. So I decided to make sure that a lady came and checked on them 2 times in this week. She sent me photos and they all looked fine and healthy. But I was so dumb that I had left a huge Towel roll which had a hole in the middle big enough for them to get stuck. I had left it on a table near their cage even on the last day she went there was a photo where my bird was playing on this roll but it never came to my mind that this would be the reason she dies. She got stuck in it and couldn’t come out. I can’t imagine for how long she suffered. I feel so much of guilt. We’re going to bury her tomorrow. I’ve decide to give away my two other budgies. I don’t think I’m worthy of ever having a pet again.
I lost one of my cockatiels on Monday. I’ve never lost a pet to anything other than old age before. Of course it’s sad to lose a pet to old age…. But it feels entirely different, and worse to lose one before its time. I am not certain if what killed my bird was an underlying condition or something in her environment. I started my day as normal. It was a work from home day, but I had planned to be at the gym over lunch, and my schedule was otherwise full of meetings. I’d noticed the day prior that Rose had been sleeping a lot, but since she was going through a heavy molt, I assumed she was just tired from that. As my final meeting of the day ended at 4pm, I looked over toward my birds cages and noticed Rose facedown on the floor of her cage. She was still alive when I found her, but very weak. I tried to give her water, but she would not open her beak. I knew she was going to die when I showed her some millet and she did not even open her mouth. I decided to swaddle her in a hand towel and take her outside into the sun and warmth, and give her head scratches until she passed. It seemed to comfort her. While doing this, I noticed that her crop was extremely distended and mushy to the touch. I had a brief glimmer of hope that maybe there was a blockage and if I could empty her crop she might live. I had read that the crop can be emptied by placing light pressure or taps on the chest and angling the bird’s head toward the ground. It seemed to work, a lot of fluid came out rapidly. But when it was done, after only 5 or 6 seconds, she was already dead. I am haunted by the fact that this last experience of her life was likely very unpleasant. I hope at least that the emptying of her crop provided some relief. I buried her in my mom’s backyard and we had a little ceremony for her. Since then, I have been reading more about cockatiel health issues, which I thought I was already somewhat informed of. i’ve learned that i was extremely ignorant. Rose has always had a “puffy” chest. For the 8 month’s i’ve owned her. i thought it was just how she is built. Especially because i commented about it to my vet during a visit for another of my birds (Rose’s mate). Unfortunately the vet did not say anything to indicate it might be a problem. So i assumed it was not a problem. I only recognize it now for what it might have been: a crop infection. Now I can’t stop thinking that she might have had a painful infection for months that i ignored through ignorance. I can’t stop blaming myself for her death because it might have been prevented if i’d booked a vet visit just for her (rather than the visit mentioned above, which she simply tagged along to). Maybe something as simple as antibiotics would have cured her and she would still be alive. Or maybe it was something else entirely that I could not have prevented even if i had tried. I will never know and it is tearing me up. But i am trying to value the good time we had together. I work from home, so my birds get to roam out of their cages all day, play with eachother, and be around me. She had a mate. She had toys. I would talk to her and give her treats. She is gone far too soon (18 months old), but I know i will be much more vigilant about the health of my birds now. I have had the others for years. They see the vet regularly. I wish I had started taking Rose when I first got her. Rest in peace Rosie. I love you and I miss you. Somethi
I have walked out of my house with my pet lorikeet on my shoulder , I did not realise he was there because I had a thick jumper on and when I got outside I felt sick when I realised and gut reaction was to try and grab him and he flew off and I can’t beleive after being so careful for 6 yrs that it happened and he was so special and hard to move forward without him ,but I realise that It happens as is not because we don’t care life is hard sometimes and I have to accept the results of my actions
Towards the end of June, my dad found a nestling that had been fallen out of its nest. The poor thing took a pretty hard fall from our tall flower bushes, about 7-8 feet. When my dad found him/her, ants were already swarming its body. We did our best to find a way to put the little one back in the nest, but the nest was hard to reach within a labyrinth of twisting branches. Upon closer inspection of the parents, we narrowed the species down to the California Towhee and began researching how to care of the poor guy. My sister and I kept a close eye on the baby and settled on calling it “Junior”, a reference to a SpongeBob SquarePants episode where SpongeBob and Patrick take care of an orphaned scallop. Since “Junior” is a boy name, we began referring to the bird as “he/him” even though we couldn’t tell the sex. If he turned out to be a girl later on, we would’ve called her “Junia”. I was his main caretaker and I had the pleasure of getting to know such a smart, sassy, and cheerful little fella. I would talk to him all the time and he would always chirp more whenever I was nearby or if he heard my voice; even if I was talking to someone else. During the last 2 weeks of his life, we transferred him from a woven box with a small heating pad to a roomy cage with toys and a small coconut bird house; a temporary little home. It wasn’t long until we noticed that his feet didn’t develop properly. He stumbled most of the time and tried his best to fly. Adding on, his tail feathers never grew long enough for him to balance during any length of flight, so he ended up flailing around and falling down. This was concerning considering that his parents and siblings had already left the nest and Junior was still growing some feathers and learning to stand. I wanted to give him the best chance at being released so I wanted to make him stronger. I fed him every few hours and offered him food any time he was overly chatty, which he happily accepted. I began getting used to feeding him early in the morning and throughout the day. I assume he became used to me the most since he would chirp more when he heard my voice or saw me coming towards him. He wouldn’t accept food from anyone else. A few days ago, my sister and I wanted to make him “sandals” to see if we could help straighten and strengthen his feet. I did some research and saw that some people would cut small pieces of thick paper and use medical tape to attach them to the birds foot. We did just that and it actually worked. For the first time in his life, Junior was hopping all by himself. He was able to hop around the bottom of his cage without tripping on his toes. Yesterday morning, he still had his sandals on, but one of his feet began to curl inward again. I removed the one sandal and planned to make him a new one later. I fed him as usual had the idea to get him new foods to try. Before I left the house, I had actually done some cleaning and vacuuming, since my sister and I have been getting bed bug bites. I had sprayed a chair with bed bug spray near Junior’s cage, not directly next to him. I’d say the chair was about 5 feet away and I had also vacuumed it in hopes of keeping the smell down. The bottle said it was safe for children and pets so I thought that my dogs and Junior would be okay. An hour afterward, I left to get Junior’s new food and he was still lively when I walked out the door. I was out for about 3 hours, since I had to walk to and from the store, and came home to a quiet house. I called out to Junior and he would normally answer. That’s when I knew something was wrong. I rushed over to his cage and found him barely alive. I picked him up as he was gasping for air and he actually chirped one last time. He passed away in my hands shortly after and I had never cried harder than I did in that moment. I truly did love him and I felt like I had lost my child. I regret ever cleaning around the house before leaving and I wish I had more time with him so he could have gotten stronger and been released. I miss him so much that I have been crying on and off for the past couple hours. I know that I can’t change anything but I miss his little chirps and his little hops he would do when he would get excited. I remember reminding myself in the beginning not to get too attached so I wouldn’t feel upset when he passed away or was released. This situation hurts more because I took the time to care for him, get to know him, and love him. He had a little soul when I looked into his eyes and he always seemed genuinely happy to see me. I’m going to miss that. However, I do know that he’s not hurting anymore. I’m not sure if the bed bug spray was what killed him, but he’s in a better place where he has normal feet, a full tail, and as many worms as he can stomach. I did my best even if his life was shorter than what I was aiming for and I’m glad that I was there when he passed. He could’ve passed long before I got home, but I like to imagine that he waited for me to come home before passing. He was in the hands of someone who deeply cared for him when he passed and I’m content knowing that he wasn’t alone. I’ll do my best to move forward and make him proud. He can hop and fly freely now.
My beautiful Jo had diarrhoea vet gave me antibiotics I overdosed her by mistake reading the syringe my heart is broken . She had a stroke and died 3 days later I’m heartbroken the most loveliest intelligent little bird I can’t for give myself 😥😥😥
My soul bird Frank died. He was an American Budgie and he talked…said real words and he was as in love with me as I was with him. It was an accident. My son was sleeping in the bird room and must have accidentally rolled on him. I’m heart broken. I loved him so much. I feel guilty for opening the cage but my son had slept in there before and nothing bad had happened. If the cage was closed it wouldn’t have happened. I will never have another bird like Frank, he was one of a kind and my heart has a huge hole. Of course my son is upset as well because he feels responsible so I hide my grief around him.
I see this article is old, but still, my precious 8-year-old cockatiel Lucy died today when I cleaned my oven (self-cleaning). The guilt is overwhelming.. We loved each other so…Thanks for the article..
Revisiting these memories stirs up every emotion within me, transporting me back to that moment, leaving me unable to catch my breath. Three years ago, I was devastated by the sudden loss of my father to a heart attack. The shock of receiving that early morning call from the hospital, informing me of his three consecutive heart attacks, was overwhelming. Although he passed away alone, I found comfort in the presence of Yağmur, my loyal companion. Since childhood, rain has been my imaginary friend, my confidant, offering solace in times of sorrow. That’s why I named her Yağmur, which means rain in Turkish. She symbolized the enduring bond between my father and me. Every night, before we retired for the night, I would share my deepest longings for my father with her. But fate intervened, and I made a grave mistake that I deeply regret. As the weather warmed, I decided to take Yağmur outside for some fresh air. In a moment of affection, I reached out to give her a a kiss, but she slipped from my grasp. She fluttered away, landing on a distant tree, her frightened chirps echoing in the evening silence. For hours, I watched anxiously from below as she hopped from branch to branch in search of safety. But fear held her captive, and as darkness fell, I lost her forever. The night sky seemed to mourn with me, echoing the ache in my heart. Days turned into weeks of tireless searching for Yağmur, each moment a weight on my soul, a constant reminder of my inadvertent actions. Guilt consumed me, knowing that my recklessness robbed me of the last tangible connection to my father. Though Yağmur weighed only 100 grams, her pain felt like tons, crushing my soul beneath its weight. Every day is a struggle, every breath a painful reminder of my profound loss. I am haunted by memories of our time together, and the void left by Yağmur’s absence speaks volumes about the depth of my grief. In this darkness, I humbly ask for your prayers, as even the simplest act of breathing feels like an unbearable burden.
It was on march 18 I knew he needed more food and water. the night before at 12 I went up to my room after being away and was gonna go to sleep planning to change his food and water the next day I grabbed a water bottle to drink it and he knows he’s getting more water when he hears a water bottle and he made a noise and started dancing, I wish I had just done it that night instead of being lazy. He was out of food and water for a little while so i was gonna do the next day but when I was about to leave to a appointment for the dentist I saw him laying in the corner on the bottom of his cage and I immediately grabbed him and ran to my mom she couldn’t hear a heartbeat or breathing he probably died in the middle of the night it was time to go to the dentist so we couldn’t do much so we put him in a shoe box with a blanket and his toy. If we didn’t have to go I feel like we could’ve done something and I regret it so much for not changing his food and water enough and not spending time with him and not trying harder to help him become alive again. I can’t stop crying
My curious conure climbed into her plastic seed storage container through the flip top lid. I didn’t know she was in there when I closed the lid. I left for an overnight stay and discovered her body more than 12 hours after realizing she was missing. I’ll never forgive myself. Canela was a cinnamon green cheek. My friend for almost 15 years. Her young companion of just 1 year is grieving. He took such good care of her in life. In death he is watching o er her, sometimes preening her. He’s nesting and barely eating. It’s day one. Her body is laid out and we are in mourning together. I have 2 other birds grieving her loss as well, a pigeon and a cockatiel. Thank you for a place to write the unspeakable. I pray you each heal and find forgiveness. T
Hi I can’t believe that I used to come to this page to check what I should order or what kinds of training you guys have now I lost my baby Luna (green cheek conure) not sure how and why but I’m in pain. My chest feel heavy my house is quite she doesn’t call us anymore. No more of her chasing me around I just can’t imagine that she’s gone. She was only 2 . I feel horrible I light a candle for her every morning left a flower in her cage. I sent her for aqua-cremation. I feel I lost my own baby. I’m absolutely sad I want her back so bad. She left us a day after Valentine’s Day. I wished I spent more time with her. I wished she was here. I’m not gonna get another bird in my whole life because I loved her . I can’t have another bird I fails as a mom to take care of her. I’m shocked every day. Why did she left us. I never could imagine that she would leave. I was hoping she will see my baby but she’s gone so fast.
My father had picked up a young bird on the side of the road and brought it home. I was so exited to take care of it bought it worms and gave it water. The First day was challenging it didn’t really want to do much or take food from me. By day 3 after I took it into my care giving it attention, sleeping om my bed. I decided it was time to get a cage so it can have its own little space. It was taking food from me very happy…starting getting cheeky. I let it sleep in its cage (Which I om my bedroom floor for the night) This morning when I woke it had past. The ants had got to him. I know I should have let it sleep on my bed. If I could just turn back the clock and had not left it where the ants could get to it. None of this would have happend.
I lost my Olive today. She got out and while I was trying to get her out of the tree a hawk came and grabbed her right in front of me. I am so devastated. Trying to find a way to forgive myself. My heart is shattered
lost our little conured my sister bought, and I blame myself for the death of him. I wish I could turn back time if only I would’ve been more responsible for him, and we only had him for 8 months now. He’s gone for a mistake I made, and he was such a kind bird. He’d always land on our heads and give kisses, and just the thought of it breaks my heart looking at his cage and not hearing him anymore.
These stories are so helpful, and I thank everyone for their courage in sharing their grief. I too suffer from guilt because my sweet Linnie bird passed away last week and I can’t stop crying. He was so tame and trusted us fully. My family and I adored him! he would snuggle with us, eat with us, watch tv with us and was very much a part of our family. He spoke and would say “kisses”. One afternoon while I was having my afternoon coffee, my sweet bird joined me on the couch and wanted to snuggle. I let him go behind me on the couch and I arched my back so he could have room while he stayed cozy behind my back . I don’t know what happened, but after about half hour or so, I got up to see him just just lying there lifeless. I don’t know if I accidentally suffocated him or what but I screamed. I feel so terrible and feel so guilty, I don’t think I can ever forgive myself. He loved me and trusted me and I let him down. I also feel responsible for my family’s grief and I can’t stop replaying it all in my head. This is the worst feeling 😭. I loved him so much, and he’s gone. That pit in the stomach I feel is so painful and I don’t know how to move on from the guilt. I hope my story can help someone else, just like your stories are helping me. His name was Peanut, and he was a very special friend.
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